HOW many of you believe in setting New Year resolutions? Aiming to quit smoking, perhaps? Lose a little weight? Maybe get a better paying job? All of the above?

Well I’ve got news for you. Every year, the boffins at Hertforshire University hold an experiment to try to unravel what makes a New Year’s resolution a success — or more commonly, a dismal failure of willpower.

To find out what makes us tick, the university’s psychologists have, over the past two years, launched an online survey to net about 10,000 respondents.

The good people at the university have offered several tips on how best to ensure that those hoping to shed some flab, for instance, won’t be stuffing their faces with a bowl of strawberry cheesecake ice cream three days after 2008 kicks in.

Among the tips is making only one resolution, enabling you to focus on one goal. They also suggest planning your res olutions in advance instead of waiting for New Year’s Eve (a bit too late for that now, eh).

They suggest rewarding yourself with gifts (a new book, a CD) every time you manage to stick to the resolution (note: a pack of Camels isn’t considered a suitable reward for those who aim to quit smoking).

On my part, one of my resolutions is to help certain sections of Malaysians become aware of what their resolutions should be.

I’ve decided to draft out a selection of resolutions, as well as a pledge to recite, for your perusal. Feel free to pick one whenever it applies to your good self.

Mat Rempit: I hereby pledge not to endanger the lives of others by racing down highways performing ridiculous stunts and cutting into other people’s lanes at ridiculous speeds. The open-mouthed stares, I realise, is due to how ridiculous I look performing a wheelie on a machine the size of a tricycle.

Queue jumpers: I hereby pledge to read Judith Martin aka Miss Manners’ column on how best to conduct oneself in public. I understand that even though no one makes any re marks when I cut ahead to the front of the taxi queue, the 30-odd people behind me are quietly plotting as to how to push me into incoming traffic

Zoo visitors: I hereby pro claim that I have read the cautionary article in the newspapers of how a little girl was almost mauled by a puma/ spotted leopard when she ventured too close to the animal enclosure and am aware of the consequences. I also realise that the tortoises at the zoo, although cute, have the ability to snap my fingers clean off should I stick my hand in to pet their backs.

Parents with young children at the movies: I hereby pro claim to be a responsible adult and pledge not to bring my children to the cinema to watch movies which require an in-depth explanation of the plot. I realise that repeated questions such as: “Daddy, which one is the bad man?” while I Am Legend is showing will result in an angry chorus of “Your Daddy! Your Daddy’s the bad man! Go watch En chanted!” by the entire cinema floor.

That’ll do for now. Thank you everyone, and have a pleasant 2008.

Najmuddin Najib
Specialist writer

Source: Malay Mail – January 3, 2008