OVER the weekend I met up with Su, a friend I have known for over 10 years, but with whom I have not always kept in constant contact.

In the course of “catching up”, we indulged in a spot of gossip about her Uncle Ben whom we both know. In his late 50s, and a well-to-do physician, Uncle Ben is in the midst of divorcing his wife of 30 years as he is now in a “serious relationship” with a woman almost half his age. Understandably distressed, Uncle Ben’s wife – who had given up her job all those years ago to care for their young, and now all “grown up” children – had sought support from Su. She had besieged Su to talk Uncle Ben out of his decision not to give her the family home and more alimony. To this, Su shrugged and said that she was loathe to interfere with such matters. Then to me she explained: “A woman should never give up her job for the family. It’s the biggest mistake she can make. Too bad is all I can say about Uncle Ben’s wife not having anything to her name and who has to now beg for what should be rightfully hers.” Sipping my tepid tea, I wondered if Su was trying to tell me something through Ben’s wife’s situation. Su and I are what I like to call “New Women”, for want of a more apt term. We are “New” in as much as we are now in our mid-to-late 30s, well educated, successful and, ostensibly, “have it all” – the reasonably evolved husbands (or in the immortal words of Geoffrey Chaucer’s Wife of Bath: “worthy men in their own degree”), nice houses in good neighbourhoods, swanky sets of wheels and disposal incomes of our own. And yes, unlike our mothers who were not as highly educated and who had incomes which were not at all disposable. The difference between Su and I is that I’m what I consider ‘Brave’, or a Brave New Woman (BNW) as opposed to just a New Woman. I am ‘brave’ in that I dared have children. Su had decided at 20 that children are anathema to a woman’s career success and has therefore not had, nor will have, any that could force her to drop out of the rat race of female corporate success to care for them. So, am I another Ben’s wife in the making? Of course, what I see as ‘brave’, Su very likely considers ‘stupid’. Su may well be right. Only time will tell. Nevertheless, at this point, I’d like to think that I have chalked up enough gumption and know-how in my field and knowledge in personal finances as well as health care to see myself through “just in case”. (Hopefully all that weight-training and proper nutrition will have me still spry if – or, gawd forbid, when – my significant other decides to shack up with a nymphette half his age). Unlike Uncle Ben’s wife, I’d also like to think that the BNW of today is more aware of her options and, as long as she is willing to embrace and not eschew technology, she’ll be OK. In the words of my father, who had himself arm-twisted his way out of paying my mother alimony, “Do thy duty that is best, and leave onto God to do the rest.” The duties I have chosen to take on are full-time mother, wife, homemaker and parttime hack. I’m trying my best. Wish me luck!  Woo Lynn (woolynnchai@ gmail.com), who has a Masters in English Literature from Canada, is ‘braving’ having another bundle of joy with her worthy husband.

Source: Malay Mail – June 26, 2008